literature

senryu

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fense's avatar
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Literature Text

I *



dry, bent knuckles
curl around a picture frame,
holding her



II *



his wanton wallet
meets the badge in her bra:
a booby trap
Here are my attempts at the Senryu style for `jade-pandora's workshop. One is of memory, and one more humorous (not often do I use puns...). I hope you like them.
© 2008 - 2024 fense
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Jade-Pandora's avatar
In the 1st piece --

I don’t really see evidence of senryu in this piece. While this is an intimate memory, there is no sense of irony, cynicism, or other element of “mushin” (discussed in my second journal) in this piece. The image here is serene, which senryu is not known for. Regardless, this is a good attempt!

In the 2nd piece --

This piece is excellent! Not only is there an image of sexuality and human folly, but you have also made perfect use of a pun; a technique well known in senryu! Nicely done --

and thank you for having participated in the workshop! :)